Past couple of days the lyrics, "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, and I'm feelin' good" have been playing over in my head. It is a new day, every single day! A new chance to do something great, and enjoy life a little bit more. I originally started this blog to track my attempt at going "bare bones" and I intend to continue that process. But I've noticed that more and more this has become my little spot to collect my thoughts, and it helps a lot!
I watched a movie tonight called "I don't know how she does it" ... great movie if you haven't seen it! It hit me while watching it though that life, for many of us, is about being better than anybody out there, mastering everything we try, perfecting everything we do and over committing ourselves. The price that we pay for that sometimes means that we don't have time to build the snowman (makes sense if you see the movie). Life is lived in seasons and there is a season for everything - even the Bible makes that clear. Our kids are only babies for a short time. I know we hear it all the time, dishes and laundry will still be there, but how many of us really take that into consideration. So I think I need to really start focusing a little less on what "I think" I should be doing, and start focusing more on what the kids need me to be doing - playing and soaking up every last moment I can with them. Yes, dishes and laundry have to be done, but who says that we can't do it together and make it fun? Or that I can't manage to get it all done in the hour that Kelin is down for a nap? I want to be their memories, not just in their memories.
Our past is a long story, but one that I and my children have lived. For so long I was the only one that was attempting to keep my head above water, keep the house clean and still have the time to spend with them. Tough? Yes. Worth it all? YES! In the past year our lives have changed a ton all for the better. It's heartbreaking and yet uplifting to hear your daughter say to you, "Mommy you smile a lot now." It feels good to know that we aren't alone anymore, and we are getting the chance to make some wonderful memories together as a family. My children always will be my life, nothing will ever change that. But meeting Brandon, and having someone that I can finally lean on has honestly brought my life full circle. There was always a void there and now it is gone.
One question that has bothered me for sometime is, Am I good enough? I think everyone ask that ... am I a good enough mother, daughter, sister, significant other? It's there, it's only human to compare yourself and feel inadequate. I have also learned that until you are finally good enough for yourself, then you will never be good enough for anything or anyone else. Not only that, you will drive yourself miserable trying to be something that you aren't, or achieve something you can't. I am me. I can't be much more than that, but by being me I have gained some pretty amazing people in my life. I am an open book, my emotions are pretty much plastered across my face (or so I am told, I still say I mask them well). But, at least my emotions are clear! And for that reason alone I am glad that my emotions show fairly well, those whom I love know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love them and that I couldn't imagine a single day without them in my life.
"Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what."
