Lean not on thine own understanding

Ever wonder why God does the things he does? Or why he leads us and directs us down certain paths? I made a commitment to myself at the beginning of the year to start my day, and usually end it, by reading the bible. My hope is to finish the entire New Testament this year. And not just read it, but to really study what I am reading, understand it and apply it to my life. In November of 2012 we started the process of buying a home for our family. Our offer was submitted and that day I began to pray. I didn't pray that the Lord would get us the house, but I did pray that if it were HIS will to please allow us to have that home for our family. A safe, warm, beautiful home to raise them in. There have been many snags along the way, times when I was so frustrated and aggravated that I just wanted to throw my hands in the air and give up, but I always went back and prayed. It was humbling, and difficult honestly! To want something so much, but yet to give it to Him and say, "Lord, if it is your will for our family to have this home please move these road blocks out of the way. But if it isn't your will and you want something else for us then your will be done." That is scary! But, he moved every single block and this Friday, January 25th, we get to close on our new home. It is a beautiful home, and one that I have no doubt will be filled with a lot of love and memories for our family as they grow. I keep going back to my first question though. It has been on my mind a lot lately - what is God's plan for us and this home. Is it that we just continue to fill it with love for him and our family, or does he want more from us? I can't hear him speak, obviously, but he answers that question a little more day by day. This morning I read in Matthew and there were two verses in chapter six that stood out to me. Basically God told me loud and clear, don't worry about tomorrow or the next day or the next! I have it under control. So, I am focusing on today and allowing him to keep showing me his plan for my life day by day. In my heart though, I see him using us and this home for a greater purpose. I just don't know that purpose yet. I have learned so much just in the past few months about God, and it honestly amazes me every single day just how much he lives through us. There have been actions and thoughts that I have had and there is no doubt that it was him directing me! My prayer this morning, one that I didn't even know the words too until I started to pray, was just that He would continue to work through me. That He would continue to be the light that I followed and He would help me to make every decision for His glory and not my own. I'm not perfect, I stumble every single day, but I am growing because of His help and for that I am thankful! I just hope that I can be a guide for someone else out there trying to understand life and what our purpose here is. I may not know that person, or it may be someone I see daily, I don't know yet. But my prayer is that He helps me to lead them to Him so that they can know this feeling that I get to wake up with everyday. Life may not be amazing and great all the time here on earth, but every single time that I feel like I can't handle it anymore I remember that no matter what my home is Heaven and it's gonna be amazing up there. No matter what I have to endure here, Heaven will be my reward. Scary? Yea sometimes because I see all the pain and fear and suffering in this world ... but I know that God has me and my family in his hands. There was a time in my life that I wanted to be the best at everything ... the best daughter, friend, student, employee, parent, spouse ... whatever. And then suddenly one day in church it hit me - I should strive to only be the best child of God that I could be! That is all I should worry about. Because by being that, I would be an example of what a God-filled life is to my friends, my family, my spouse and my children. That is all that counts! So - that is my plan :)

Call me Susie Homemaker... and the mother of a clutz.

Haha - okay so I never in a million years would have ever thought of myself as even coming close to "Susie Homemaker" and really in truly I still don't. BUT, I do have to give myself some props for the moment. In light of my current insane schedule (17 credit hours at school, five classes total and soccer 6 days a week with the kids) I seriously started to panic about how on earth I was going to manage all this. Of course, my wonderful hubs to be has been 100% supportive and there to help all the way but you know how it is. Us moms, we think we have to do it all. The laundry, the dishes, the cleaning ... I leave the cooking to him usually, but this past week I sat down and did some serious planning. I needed to make life a little less crazy for us around here. So, I made a menu of 18 different meals that I can make in one cooking sesh - and then freeze to either pop in the oven and bake up in 20 - 30 mins or put in the crock pot and cook up through the day. So I have an entire grocery list of ingredients and a scheduled day to spend doing nothing but cooking. Hopefully this works ... if not I will cry!!  I also made up my second batch of homemade laundry detergent today, so far in the past 6 months I have spent a total of $12 on laundry detergent! I also found split chicken breast on sale this week for $.99. Just a little side note, I hate raw meat with a passion ... especially when it has bones. Yuck. So this morning I pulled out my pack of chicken and plopped it in the crock pot. Almost threw up having to touch it, but I did it! Yes I realize that I am weird. Once the meat was done I shredded it up and made chicken taco's for dinner tonight, and still have meat left over for chicken and dumplings tomorrow and another bag frozen for later! Three meals worth of meat for $5.00 - not to shabby! I also took the stock and bones, put them back in the crock pot and have my own little batch of chicken stock simmering away! I am stoked :) lol

Now for my dear clutz of a son. Yesterday he decided that he was going to turn around backwards in his seat on the bus, sit on his knees and talk to his sister. When the driver hit her brakes he toppled into the floor and busted his head open. An ER visit and two staples to the back of the head later, he will now be buckled into his seat on the bus! He was a tough little trooper though and barely even flinched when they put the staples in. My little guy is gonna be the death of me! 

Life is amazing, even on days that make me want to scream ... I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than where I am right now!

Changes

After many failed attempts, mind changes and brick walls - I finally walked back into a college class this morning. I never saw myself creeping on my 30th birthday and starting back to school, I never saw myself as a nurse, but both are the case now. To say I am nervous would be putting it mildly. I had always focused on the non-clinical side of health care. Then when I was laid off I saw it as an opportunity to finish my teaching degree. Finances would prevent that from happening and so after many sleepless nights I finally made my decision to pursue my nursing degree. I am nervous about the decision, but it seems to be the best choice for my family and myself at this time. So, I drive to school this morning and have the usual "new student" butterflies. I couldn't find the building that my class was in, couldn't find student parking, my financial aid is messed up and so my teacher wasn't even sure that I was supposed to be in her class! She opened by saying, "If you are not planning to give 100%, to exceed at every corner, and to put every spare moment of the next two years of your life into this degree then you need to leave now. You are in one of the most competitive programs offered. There are 127 in this class and only 30 of you will actually receive the letter to attend the actual program to become a nurse. The 30 nursing students that started this fall all had GPA's above 3.82." Wow. That is all I can say. Wow. I am nervous beyond belief. I am trying to keep telling myself that I can do this, but in the back of my mind I am wondering if I can really do it. It's a lot of long study hours, hard curriculum, traveling and crossing some roads that I am worried about. I don't really like patient care, I have a horribly weak stomach, I don't like to even touch people! I have children at home who need me as well, who play sports and do other things. I wonder if I am going to be able to even make ends meet long enough for me to return and finish school. Brandon is also in school, and we are planning a wedding in October. So yeah, I am nervous! But I am a firm believer that I can do anything that I put my mind too. I have been at points many times in my life when I thought that I wasn't going to be able to make it, or get through it, but I did. I have struggled and barely covered the bills before, and I made it then too. So, yes I can do this. And yes I can make it into that 30 that get into the program. I can survive for the next two years on barely making it by, very little sleep and limited time for anything else. In the end it will be worth it and I will look back on this road as just another bump that I made it over. I know that in the end this is something that I can be proud of, that my kids can be proud of and something that will be good for them! I just need all the prayers along the way that I can possibly get.

Catch up and stuff

So - I missed MONTHS of blogging - and I could beat myself for it, but oh well. It's been busy! The kids have been out of school since the end of May and we have been packing our summer days as full as possible for the most part. We spent some time camping at Standing Indian Campground and the kids had a blast. They would leave camp right after breakfast, stop by for lunch and we wouldn't see them again until supper! I am pretty sure that they put in well over a hundred miles on their bikes! Then, the future hubs and I got to go on another run away. This time we went on a mountain biking trip to Tsali National Park and also camped in the park. So many memories on that trip seriously. It was pretty awesome to have just me and him, in the woods, no TV or computer to distract us. We sat and talked and laughed. It was great. My baby sister was married on the HOTTEST day in June everrrrrr ... seriously it was like 108 degrees when we walked down the aisle. But it was a wonderful, adorable wedding. The garden has produced a few good things so far. My green thumb is not a good as I would like though :( We are in the thick of trying to find a new home for the entire herd - wow that is a nightmare! How on earth can house hunting be so hard?!?! Between getting the mortgage, finding the home, figuring out a budget ... bleh. It's a pain, period. We have also been blessed and were able to get a more reliable van. I am in LOVE with it. Five minutes into driving it and I have already officially become a Honda lover. A huge thank you to Brandon for working so hard to provide for us. He really amazes me more and more every single day. So now, we are in the middle of packing up for a week long surprise trip with the kids to Wilmington Beach NC! They have no idea where they are going, and it is somewhere that none of us have ever been, so should be fun. We of course are camping, huge cost saver for us to travel, and I have diligently done my research and found every savings that I can for things to do there. Carolina Beach has a ton of free activities, we will get to tour downtown Wilmington *the One Tree Hill fan in me can't wait* and tour a WWII ship. So stinkin' excited. Not to mention, hanging out on the beach for hours and days - ahhhhh. As a side note for anyone that may be taking trips in the future with kids, there are tons of sites that will list free things to do in the area, restuarants that have "Kids Eat Free" nights and of course take advantage of the restuarants.com, livingsocial.com and groupon.com deals if possible. You can save a ton of money and still get to enjoy doing more in the town than just sitting on the beach! I am all about giving the kids memories, and not breaking the bank doing it. Just because we are a family of six doesn't mean we can't enjoy life!! I also found printables online with road trip games and made them some nifty little clipboards with "I Spy", "Car Bingo" and coloring sheets to keep them entertained for the trip. Once again, THANK YOU PINTEREST!!

Now for less catch up and more stuff - some pondering that I have been doing lately. I read this blog the other day and the mom was talking about how she is more of a facilitator of play, than actually playing with her kids. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I give them all these games, and crafts to play with, or tell them go play outside, or take them swimming/camping etc - but how often do I actually PLAY??? Sadly, no where near as much as I should. Before being blessed with being called a Mommy I had all these ideas of what kind of Mommy I would be. I was going to be hands on, in the middle of it all, patient and creative and fun and goofy ... and then reality hit. I was a single mom, juggling two kids and a job, and playtime never happened. And now, here I am with a six year old and a four year old that I rarely ever get down and play with. It makes me so sad! Especially knowing that everyday the opportunity passes by and I lose those chances daily because as they get older playing with Mommy is going to be no fun at all. So, I made myself a promise. Even if my OCD self has to schedule it, I will play with my kids DAILY. Each of them - whatever they want. Ride bikes, jump on the trampoline, color, build blocks, have a tea party - whatever they want. I want them to have awesome childhood memories. I want to be the mom that they deserve. I am at home now by the grace of God and I have the chance to do all this, but haven't been taking advantage of the time I have. Less online crap, less TV, less cleaning - more playing. Wish me luck :)

Time flies!!!

I can't believe how long it has been since I have written ... shame on me, this was my way of keeping track of life and I can't even keep track of it!!! A whole month has passed since my last entry and oh my word has a lot changed in life! First of all, I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!!! March 6th, 2012 Brandon made me the happiest girl in the entire world when he asked me to marry him. I am still floating on air! We have set our date for October 13th, 2012 and I am busy planning away. Planning a wedding, on a budget that is tiny tiny, isn't easy. I can't decide if we should do the wedding at home with family and friends as we had originally planned, or if we should all rent a house in Tybee, go there for the wedding and spend a week vacationing and enjoying the town with just our immediate family and closest friends. I am leaning towards Tybee ...  So far my budget minded self has done awesome on finding deals. I found my two bridesmaids dresses on the clearance rack of a local boutique for $11.00!! Saved myself about $66 dollars in just that. My dress was on sale too, and instead of paying the price tag of $700 I saved a ton and only paid $99. I could not believe that I actually found exactly what I was looking for on the $99 rack, but it is beautiful!! I am so excited. I could care less honestly where the wedding is or anything else, just as long as he is standing at the end of the aisle my dreams will have come true.

In the past month I have also become a mommy to a six year old and a four year old :(  I thought last year I told them both to stop growing ... they don't listen well. Getting ready for a small party for them this weekend and working on making their special cakes for them :)  Can't wait to see how they turn out! 

School has also started back for me, and I am struggling. Not so much that it's hard, but the time management part of my mind seems to have went crazy. It's a battle to make myself sit down, study, do homework ... ugh. I'd much rather do anything else but homework!! Oh well, it must be done like it or not.

Our little garden is starting to look good. We have potatoes, jalapenos, pablanos, herbs, tomatoes, strawberries, broccoli and cauliflower so far going and still some more things to plant. It's so exciting to see those little green leaves poke up out of the ground!

Busy Busy Busy

It has been a busy couple of weeks .... and I haven't been doing so great with all my resolutions for the past couple of weeks ... haven't even been attempting it too be honest, but back on track starting now. My baby sister has a wedding in just a few short months and she has asked me to be her Maid of Honor - greatest honor ever! So, even if I am sobbing while standing beside her, I want to feel confident standing up there. Back to work harder than ever on this diet and exercise plan. Oh, and did I mention I have an amazingly adorable new little man in my life??? Yes, he is just amazing!

Meet Brier F. Johnson, born on 2/17/12, 8 lbs and 13 oz of perfection!!! And that is my beautiful Sissy, my niece Ivy and Daddy Matt. Just looking at this picture gets me all choked up. I am so proud of her!!!

I mean honestly, he is just the cutest!! I love him so :) Not even two weeks old and so alert it is crazy.
(Sorry Sissy, had to steal these pics so I could brag a little)

Brandon and I got away for our run away weekend and had such a good time!!! We did the zip line, and now I am addicted. I can't wait to do it again! Gotta be honest though, I was nervous, but as soon as I did the first line I was hooked. The whole trip was just great. I swear we laughed the entire time. I have so much fun with him. Doesn't matter what we are doing, it's fun! It's a wonderful feeling.



A great day

I did a lot of planning and prepping for Valentines day this year, but I have to say it was a wonderful day! It is a lot of work having 5 Valentines! We started out the day with a 2-hour delay from school, which was perfect because it gave the kids a little time to enjoy their breakfast and gifts. I made them heart shaped pancakes.....

and they got plenty of candy to do them for awhile!

 

The kids made Brandon's gifts. They each did 10 Things I love about you and made little books. It was really neat to hear the reason's that they come up with! It is truly the simple things that make them love him, playing Lego's and soccer, helping them with homework, cooking good food and letting them help chop up wood! So simple, but it means so much to them :)  A true example of what a great man he is in our world!

I didn't get a picture of the finished books, but they each had 10 playing cards that they wrote all the reasons that they loved him on. Then we punched a whole in the top and tied them with a ribbon!


To top off the day I made a Valentine dinner of Baked Ziti and homemade Strawberry Shortcake (ahhmazing). I pulled out all of my cooking skills for the year, so I hope that they enjoyed <3