Changes

After many failed attempts, mind changes and brick walls - I finally walked back into a college class this morning. I never saw myself creeping on my 30th birthday and starting back to school, I never saw myself as a nurse, but both are the case now. To say I am nervous would be putting it mildly. I had always focused on the non-clinical side of health care. Then when I was laid off I saw it as an opportunity to finish my teaching degree. Finances would prevent that from happening and so after many sleepless nights I finally made my decision to pursue my nursing degree. I am nervous about the decision, but it seems to be the best choice for my family and myself at this time. So, I drive to school this morning and have the usual "new student" butterflies. I couldn't find the building that my class was in, couldn't find student parking, my financial aid is messed up and so my teacher wasn't even sure that I was supposed to be in her class! She opened by saying, "If you are not planning to give 100%, to exceed at every corner, and to put every spare moment of the next two years of your life into this degree then you need to leave now. You are in one of the most competitive programs offered. There are 127 in this class and only 30 of you will actually receive the letter to attend the actual program to become a nurse. The 30 nursing students that started this fall all had GPA's above 3.82." Wow. That is all I can say. Wow. I am nervous beyond belief. I am trying to keep telling myself that I can do this, but in the back of my mind I am wondering if I can really do it. It's a lot of long study hours, hard curriculum, traveling and crossing some roads that I am worried about. I don't really like patient care, I have a horribly weak stomach, I don't like to even touch people! I have children at home who need me as well, who play sports and do other things. I wonder if I am going to be able to even make ends meet long enough for me to return and finish school. Brandon is also in school, and we are planning a wedding in October. So yeah, I am nervous! But I am a firm believer that I can do anything that I put my mind too. I have been at points many times in my life when I thought that I wasn't going to be able to make it, or get through it, but I did. I have struggled and barely covered the bills before, and I made it then too. So, yes I can do this. And yes I can make it into that 30 that get into the program. I can survive for the next two years on barely making it by, very little sleep and limited time for anything else. In the end it will be worth it and I will look back on this road as just another bump that I made it over. I know that in the end this is something that I can be proud of, that my kids can be proud of and something that will be good for them! I just need all the prayers along the way that I can possibly get.