Just thinking ...

Sometimes the best of dreams are just sad reminders that they are just that, a dream. Not reality. Its starting to feel like the reality is that my dream will stay just that, a dream. But, I have to stay positive and continue to move ahead tackling the dreams I do have control of. I hate broken promises though, and I am pretty sure that is what I am about to face soon.

On a brighter note, the weather is supposed to be pretty nice this week and hopefully by the weeks end *fingers crossed* I will have a new little nephew here to snuggle and love on. Hurry up Brier, I wanna meet you :) The days are counting down until our mini-runaway too! Yay!

I have been working hard on cutting the calories and working out. It feels good to finally be getting myself into the routine again. I am ready to feel better about myself. I hate that whole "not pretty enough" feeling. You should always feel pretty, no matter what I know - but I gotta get my butt in gear so I can really feel it!

February is almost here, meaning my last month of freedom for a very long time. March means the start of school, and a very full load of classes all the way through until I graduate. It's time to get it done, so I am going to enjoy the last few weeks of freedom, and then hit it head-on. In the meantime, me and my little man are going to get some lunch, pay some bills and get momma a new set of eyes, er um contacts.

Me time

I was reminded today why I loved working out so much. Me time!!! You gotta understand, I adore music. It can turn my mood around, say what I can't put into words, get me moving and slow me down. It is rare anymore that I get a chance to listen to: A) the songs I want and B) an entire song without having to turn it down to answer a persistent "Mommyyyyyyyy" coming from someone! Not today though - and entire hour, me and my Ipod (really glad Santa brought those to the kids this year!) and every song I wanted to jam out to. Luckily my mom was able to watch my monkey man for me and even more luck, her road is a private road so no one was privy to my off pitch rendition of I'm Sexy and I know It, Country Girl Shake It For Me, We Found Love, Party Rock Anthem and the rest of the songs I was rockin' out too. It was quite fun!! And for an entire hour I didn't have to think about anything. Don't get me wrong, there isn't a drop of my life that I would trade for anything. I adore every moment that I spend with the kids and Brandon. I can't get enough time with them! They are honestly my heart and soul. It is nice to step away from it all and do something for myself too. A friend posted today something about taking the best care of yourself in order to take the best care of those you love. It's important to get that time to let your mind be numb, not think about laundry or dishes, and sing and dance to some music in your most off-beat tune and uncoordinated moves! For 2.1 miles I was belting it out  just as well as Rhianna :) 

Bucket List

Always said I was going to do a "Bucket List" .. why not now??!? In no certain order I fully plan to tackle all of these at some point in time in my life :) 

Mainly - See Joshua Tree at night. Lay under the stars and not sleep a bit!

Nothing more romantic than a slow dance in the rain <3

Possibly one of my biggest goals in life, to have that love that doesn't fade.

Visit NYC period .. I want to see it all!!

I have wanted to do this since I was in 4th grade! I wrote a report on Sydney and always said that is one of the places I have to see!

With the kids .. I want them to get to experience seeing everything I can show them!

Plan to check this one off very soon :)

and so many more ............

Sunny days, sweepin' the clouds away....

I am a firm believer that sunshine is good for the soul! The past two days have been soooo pretty, especially after all the cold and the rain. I have taken full advantage of them and spent as much time outside as I could. Yesterday we worked on some yard stuff, did another compost bin and I mulched a few of the flower beds with the wood chips from our wood pile. Today Kelin and I went out and played, then picked up Alyx and went to the park. Kelin has officially mastered riding without his training wheels. Pretty impressive given that he is only 3! Talk about motivation to run, I had to jog along side him for about a mile and a half! Then he walked with me for another mile while sissy rode her bike some more. It felt good to get my workout in, listen to some music and enjoy my time with the kids all at one time! It was wonderful ... just missed the rest of our crew :( 

I sat down today and looked at my overall grocery savings so far for the month. We are less than a week away from the end of the month, and still have a fully stocked fridge, freezer and pantry so I felt like I could get a pretty good idea of what I have saved. I have a budget of $350/month for a family of six. So I HAVE to make sure I do the sales and coupons! As of right now I still have $79 to spend, and I have saved $275 between coupons and store sales. Yup, I am pretty dang proud of myself!  Plus I have got three 12 packs of toilet paper this month for free. Overall, I can't complain in the least.

I was in the grocery store the other day, getting ready to check out with my big binder of coupons and the lady behind me started to ask if it was really worth it. I showed her some of the things in my cart that I was either paying less than .50 for or getting for free and she asked how to get started. I gave her a list of sites off the top of my head that I used to match up coupons and store deals, and some of the sites that I print coupons off of. She was a grandmother, on a fixed income raising her grand kids. Made my day knowing that maybe I just gave her a way to not stress over putting food on the table.

Here are a few pics from today ... Enjoy!!



And away he goes with no training wheels!!! Go Ke!!!




My little tough girl Alyx did the monkey bars and the monkey rings about five times each with no help! I couldn't have made it past the first bar.



All four kids can officially ride! I see lotsa bike trails in our future!

Remembering ...

For some reason my Papaw has been on my mind a lot lately, not that he or Chief are ever very far from my mind, but Papaw especially has been. Last night I dreamed that I was hiking through the woods with him again, one of our favorite things to do, but this time I was my 29 year old self. He and I were talking about the kids and all the mess they get into and he was chuckling and saying "Like their Momma I see". I can remember it perfectly clear. The last part of it, he turned around on the trail and said, "You're doing great Angel, you are doing just great." And then I woke up. Crying my eyes out of course! Hard to believe it has been 16 years since he left. You have to realize, in my eyes he was the greatest man that ever lived. I was Papaw's girl, always at his side, always right in step with him. He was the only man in life I had to look up too, and he left huge shoes to fill. The epitome of a man: a hard worker, provider for his family, a Godly man, honest and simple. He had the kindest of hearts, and I never saw his temper flare. Granted, when he gave you "the look" you knew he was serious. I think the thing that I remember the most is that he wasn't an emotional person, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that man adored me. He didn't have to say it, I just saw it in his eyes. Somethings don't need words, and the bond between he and I was just that way. He was my Papaw and I was Angel and that was all that was needed. That in itself meant more than anything. I think that when the ones we love leave us, they go up to Heaven and sit there watching over us, guiding us along the way and protecting us. They send us little messages in ways that only we understand and when we question our direction, or worry about if we got it right or not, they are there to remind us that we are going to be just fine.

Have I mentioned ...

just how much I HATE dieting. It's so stressful! I am trying so hard to stay under my 1200 calories, to the point of measuring and couting every single thing I put in my mouth and logging it, but I have found that I am actually having a hard time even getting to my 1200 now. Which, from all the things I read, is even worse. Good grief. Then I am starving and just want to eat everything in sight. It's terrible. BUT, in order to be the size I want to be and to be F.F.F. I gotta do this.

Oh and I am over winter. I hate cold weather, it makes me miserable. I am ready to get out and play. I think that is all my gumble for the day.

On the flip side I am beyond excited about the runaway weekend that I have planned next month!! Four whole days, me and my baby, no kids ... no internet (yes dear I said no internet!) and if I could get away with it, no phones but I think that is stretching it. I can.not.wait! We are even going to do a zip-line tour! Ekkkk :) Honestly though, just having uninterupted time with him is what I am most looking forward to. It can't come fast enough!!

Feelin' pretty successful!!

Operation F.F.F is in process, and I did really good yesterday!! I stayed under my 1200 calories, I did my workout routine and I *almost* made my daily water intake. That's a lot of water! Now to day two ... I can do this, I have to do this!

Not so much luck trying to find what I needed at the thrift stores though. Most of what I saw wasn't worth the 25 cents they were asking for it. Oh well, may just need to go to some out of this area for some good deals.

Gotta brag on my coupon trip yesterday though ...
CVS: I had $9 in ECB's already from a earlier shopping trip (I stocked up on Excedrine right before the recall, just my luck!) Anyway - I had coupons for .50/1 Dawn dish detergent and $1/3 American Greetings cards. I got 4 Dawn dish detergents and three gift cards totaling $6.93, take off the coupons and the total came to $3.93. I used one of my $3 ECB coupons and pd .93 out of pocket ... AND got back another $3 in ECB's from the greeting cards!! Woohoo ... so basically on that order I got pd $2.07! So then I was back to my original $9 in ECB's ... They had a 12 pack of toilet paper on sale for $7.50, and since the kids actually behaved while we were in there I let them pick out two Cadbury eggs @ .99 each. My total came to $9.50 - minues my $9 in ECB's and I paid .50 out of pocket!

4 bottles Dawn Dish Liquid
3 Gift Cards
1 Pack of Toilet Paper
2 Cadbury Eggs
Grand total paid out of pocket was $1.42!! Wowza :)

Then at Bi-Lo I got 3 All detergents, two soft soaps and six suave body washes for $15.34 ... saved $21.95 between my coupons and the Bonuscard savings, making each item approx. $1.39. Not bad for laundry detergent, body wash and handsoap of good quality. And even better, I saved more money than I spent.

Just do it ...

You would think after awhile I would learn my lesson on things - but I never do! I've been working really hard over the past few months to say not hold things in when they are bothering me, and usually I do good. But then again, I'm so dang happy that it hardly ever happens that I have something to say! Which is a good thing. But for a few months now something was starting to get to me and I didn't know how to talk about it, didn't know how to get it out so that it was understood just how much I was hurt by it. Funny thing is, when I actually got up the nerve to get it out it really wasn't that bad. And now I know that my feelings are known, my reasoning is known, and it's not mine to dwell on anymore. And, I have the assurance that what I thought was the cause, wasn't at all :) Go figure. I can see a light at the end of a tunnel and it isn't a train coming straight for me either!! Just crossing my fingers that a promise isn't broken!


And on the theme of "Just do it", today starts operation F.F.F. (Fit for Fall). I dread this ... even though I know as soon as I get myself in the routine of doing it then I will love it, but gosh it is sooooo hard to get myself started. So, I am going to hold myself accountable here. 1200/ cals a day, lots of water, and workout at least 1 hr a day, 6 days a week. I spend that much time sitting on a computer or watching TV, so no "time" excuses either. I have my goal in mind, I know what size I want to get too and that's where I am going to be even if it kills me.


Kids are out of school today for the MLK holiday so I think we may hit up a few thrift stores. I have several project in mind that I want to start. And I have my canning guide in hand, as well as planting info, so I am going to pick up a few things for that today as well. Ahh busy, fun day - just how I like it :)

Making progress!!

One of my main goals for the new year was to finish things that I started ... and I actually finished one of my projects today! Granted, it is a ongoing project in a way, but I finally have my coupon binder finished, all coupons clipped and in easy to find sections. I am going to master this whole couponing deal if it kills me! Cutest this is that Alyx also has her own little coupon binder that she has been putting coupons in today. I think it is great! I am thinking maybe I will give her a few coupons and a list and let her check out. Then she can really see how it is :)  During our clipping fest I got to hear all the kindergarten drama and gossip. Wow! I never knew that it started this soon! At one point of the conversation I actually had to stop her and say, "Wait, let me get this right, Connor is Lochlans best friend? Right? But Connor's other best friend, not the one in the Muppet class, pushed Lochlan on the playground? Right? and Star, who is your best friend, and you went and helped him??? " Phew that was a lot! Lol - it is so cute to listen to her talking about it all though. Gosh she is growing up so fast on me :(


And, thanks to Brandon, we have our first compost bin outside now too! The kids helped him fill it with leaves, dirt, worms and we put the kitchen scraps in it. I have been reading a lot online to see when and how to start my seeds. And what plants to grow when. It's a lot of work and I haven't even made it to the hard part yet! Hopefully we can get the planters built soon, and the seeds started. I am really looking forward to seeing how it all turns out!


I woke up this morning, and although it was bitterly cold, the sun was shining and you could hear birds chirping outside. It made me wish I could go for a bike ride even that much more. I miss mountain biking so much! Not only did I feel like I was in the best shape ever, but it is an awesome stress reliever - and I think I could use that right now. You can barely breath on a good trail, let alone talk, and just riding and letting your mind go is great therapy! Fingers are crossed that the next couple weeks brings a few warm enough days to get my bike out and start at least conditioning for a good ride this spring. I think I might start a "bucket list" of trails that I want to ride. We had wanted to do a biking/camping weekend last year just the two of us and didn't make it so I really hope we can this year! Given that I am dying for a run-away weekend already, that trip can't come soon enough.


As for other things, such is life I guess. We can't control others actions or decisions. But, I am realizing that maybe I need to speak louder, because sometimes people can't read minds. I am pretty sure that I have said it pretty loud already though. But I know very well that if I allow it to continue building and growing in my little brain, it's going to drive me nuts.


Ahh - almost forgot my lecture from my three year old! Last night I had left the scissors in the living room. He came into the kitchen and basically informed me that I had left them in there and that I had not put them back where they belong! I apologized *while trying not to laugh* and he said with the sweetest little stern face ever, "Dat's otay mommy, just put them away next time!"  Goodness I love this life!

Ever had that feeling .....

that you are talking and never heard? Very frustrating ...

Seems to me, if you know that something hurts/bothers someone you care about, and you had it in your power to resolve what was hurting them then you would do it?!?  Maybe that's just me though.

Then again, sometimes I wonder if we allow ourselves to focus on something that is really no big deal to the point that it becomes a big deal to us? For me, the matter at hand is pretty important - but maybe to others it isn't anything major. Who knows, I guess that is why God didn't give any of us the ability to read minds. It does hurt though ...

Anywho ...

I have been researching schools, degree's, financial options, job outlooks, salary potential and everything else you can possibly think of all day long today. For ten years now I have either worked, went to school or worked and went to school so this doing neither is about to drive me crazy!! It is funny, when I graduated high school I knew exactly what I wanted to do ... I was going into marketing and I was going to travel the world with an amazing job in marketing for some Fortune 500 company. Life takes over and I for the most part have managed to get every pre-credit that I need out of the way for my actual degree program but I honestly have NO IDEA what I wanna do. Maybe I am trying to follow to many dreams? Is that possible? I want to help others, I know that much, and I know that I want security and good income for my family. But I am honestly at a crossroads .. nursing; I can't start until Fall of 2013, marketing; a lot of traveling involved and I really don't want that now that I have kids, teaching; income is eh, but the schedule is great! How about the long term outlook though? I'd hate to go to school and then find no job! But on the flip side I can get a lot of assistance by doing my teaching degree and the fact that I really want to teach middle grade science is a plus because there is a shortage in that area. So teaching it is. Figured out the school and got all the stuff in line to start in March so I guess that makes it a pretty productive day. Yes, I like to have things planned and researched just a bit if you couldn't tell....

As crazy as it sounds, I feel like I have taken to many wrong turns in life and I just want to take the right turn this time.

“Make the decision, make it with confidence, and the world will be yours.” - Jaren L. Davis

Back to the norm

For the past month or so life has been a lot different than what the "norm" is for us. Brandon has been home a lot more after Brayden's surgery, and of course now I am always home, so we have all been getting to spend tons of time together. All that was over today :(  Bray's cast come off tomorrow and now Brandon is back to his normal work schedule. I can't really complain to much though, we still have a lot of time together even with his normal schedule :)  Soooo today is the first in a really long time, longer than I can even remember actually, that it is just me and little man here today. He is absorbed in Mickey's Playhouse, and I am preparing for grocery shopping. We have some houses to go see later today, going to take advantage of the nice temps and go for a walk, and Sissy has to have her haircut. Pretty busy day actually.


The cake was so good, too good! I had to get it out of the house before it completely ruined my attempt at dieting. It was really simple too. I took a box of chocolate fudge cake mix, added about 2/3 cups of Reeses peanut butter chips into the batter and baked as normal. As soon as it came out I poked holes all over the top of the cake and poured 1 cup each of chocolate fudge and caramel syrup over the tope so that it oozed down into the holes. Yummo! And the homemade applesauce turned out great too! Pretty proud of my first few attempts at being domesticated. Hmm, maybe my lil' man and I will grab some canning stuff today and see how I do. There are some pretty good veggie and fruit sales going on that I saw!


Still trying to find just the right sizes of old wood to do my signs ... and frames for the kids names. I will be sure to post up pics of those when they are finished up!


** So, realtor never called back to go view properties ... so they just lost a client! Grocery shopping went out the window when he took a nap and I only had maybe a hour before the bus came and housework just wasn't on my motivation list for the day! Soooo ... sissy got her haircut, we had dinner and tackled a little coupon shopping at Wal-Mart! I got three rolls of Brawny paper towels for .77c/each, two suave deodarents for .47c/each, two packs of BIC pens for free and some floss for free! I would have had five things of floss for free if the cashier hadn't messed up my order, he didn't scan 4 of the floss coupons in and missed a deo coupon. Frustrating!

Yet another

It was another rainy, yawny kind of day here. Kids played, we watched some football and I pintrest'd most of it away. Lol. But all the rain put me into a baking mood so as we speak I have an awesome cake cooling that I will have to report on later. I took a box of chocolate fudge cake mix (with a dollar off coupon I might add) a bag of peanut butter chips and 1 cup each fudge and caramel topping. If it's good I will be sure to share the recipe! I also have my very first attempt at homemade applesauce cooking up! Been a pretty good day :) AND thanks to the wonderful Saints (football team) I get what I wanted this year instead of next! Haha! Yet another thing I will have to report on later I guess.

Our little project

After a few days of being stuck inside we were all going a little stir crazy. So we decided to take a trip to the park on a sort of scavenger hunt. We were in search of objects that looked like the letters of our names. Couldn't be a letter on a sign, or something that we made look like the letter. I was really surprised at just how creative the kids, and Brandon, got! They are pretty dang good!! It turned out to be a lot of fun. Here is a sample of what we came up with. I can't wait to get these printed out and framed. The kids are going to be so excited to see their names!!!

Brayden

Kelin

Kennadi

Kyleigh

The "g" was tricky, but I think Kyleigh did a great job finding something that looked like a G!

Brrrrrrr ... It is f-f-freezing!

I am not a cold weather person ... AT ALL. I like snow, for maybe a day and then I want my 70's back ASAP. Needless to say, this cold snap that we are having has me in a "mood" as my honey would say. Sooooo to keep myself sane, I am dreaming of spring, summer and fall through pintrest :)  I have some things happening (hopefully) this year that I really want to have some easy DIY decoration ideas for, so I have been pinning like crazy with all kinds of ideas. Needless to say, this certain event will be beautiful in the the chance that it comes. I am even halfway thinking of learning how to do cakes. I have always wanted to learn how to do it, so why not?!? Kids wouldn't mind some cool bday cakes I am sure.

And then there is the gardening and canning .... I have found a nice little planter box that my sweets is going to build, a couple actually, and instructions for our compost bin. Thank goodness he knows how to build things! Poor guy is going to be covered up with all my projects. And even better, he is just as excited about doing all this as I am! Makes it even that much better, just another thing that we get to add to our list of stuff we enjoy doing together :)  I've said it a hundred times, but I am truly blessed!

On a side note, the whole new years resolution with working out hasn't been so hot so far, but it will be. Kids were supposed to go back to school tomorrow, but thanks to the 1/4 of 1/4 inch of snow we got they are out again. I think working out is going to have to be something that I force myself to schedule out of my day in order for me to do it. I know once I start it will be easy, it's just getting myself going that's tough!

http://boyslife.org/hobbies-projects/funstuff/7222/plant-a-compact-vegetable-garden/
http://www.thisgardenisillegal.com/2006/05/how-to-build-15-shipping-pallet.html

Thinking

I have ridden horses most of my life. One of the things that I loved best about it was when my mind was stuffed full of all the things that were going on in my life, I could saddle up my horse and ride for hours just thinking. By the time I came back, I had the worlds problems either solved or forgotten. Man, I need a horse again. I am at a crossroads in so many ways right now. A future that I partial have to leave in someone elses hands and mind, which is insanely hard for me to do. I see what I want, ready to be there, but the rest is in anothers hands. There is school ... do I finish teaching, do something medical related? What's the best, most secure thing I can do for my family? And then there are my kids and the decision that I need to make that will impact thier lives. I don't want to make it because I don't know which is the lesser of two evils. When all else fails take it to the Lord is my theory. It has worked every other time, so I guess that is my best option.

You aren't going to read very many vent post hopefully, but sometimes you just gotta get it out and read it to feel better. I am terrible with talking, emotions get the best of me. But I can write a novel if I need too. It's just how I work. And no, I am not worrying and stressing over things, I just know God has great things in store for us all, and I want to fulfill everything that he has planned for me.

2012 Here I come

They say that what you are doing at midnight on New Years is what you will be doing for the rest of the year. In that case I am pretty sure that I will love every single minute of this year. I was snuggled in bed with the love of my life watching Sons of Anarchy on my Kindle. Warm, cozy, content and happy. My babies were happy and healthy, sleeping soundly in thier rooms and the world was perfect. I was never much for parties, but honestly there is no other way I would have wanted to spend my NYE.


So, here I am on the very first day of 2012 and truly thinking of what my resolutions will be this year. There is the usual, eat better ... get in shape (which now I guess I have got some really good motivation .. yay!) save more money  ... all that good stuff. All those things I really do want to accomplish this year because I think it is probably for the best overall to do them. But this year I wanted to go a little deeper. So my 2012 resolutions are:


1) Focus on me for a change. 10 years ago, I was 19 .. thought I had the world at my fingertips and all the time I needed. Little did I know what the next ten years would hold. I had it all planned out; get my degree, start a career, meet the man, build the home and then have the babies. Sounds great right? Hello reality :) Crazy road to say the least, but it taught me a lot. In that time I became a mommy twice and have since focused all my strength and motivation on raising them. That is afterall what God gave them to me for. But in the past few weeks I realized that by focusing all that work on them, I forgot me in the mix. What about that degree I wanted to finish so badly, that degree that would give me the job I wanted, the lifestyle I wanted to provide for my kids, the home? I have to go back to that girl, who at 19 had it figured out, because finally at 29 I have it figured out. It is time for me to finish school for good and finish the rest of my goals I had set.


2) Be a more patient mommy. They are growing up on me so fast, and I realize that I don't have many more years to sit and color, play silly games, imagine and laugh with them. So what if it makes a mess, or my house isn't put perfectly together? That will all be there later. So when they ask me to sing one more song, or hold them when I have my arms full of laundry I am going to do it.


3) Really stick to my goals of going back to the "Bare Bones". Learn to garden, can, craft and sew. Focus a lot on looking for good money saving deals and use my coupons to the max! This year our family fun is going to be focused more on the time together. We can have just as much fun bike riding, tubing, swimming, camping, hiking and picniking as we can sitting at a beach or going to an expensive theme park! A lot more memories to be made.


4) And finally, finish everything that I start. I have a bad habit of starting something, then going to something else and something else. SO ... this year I am going to finish that scrapbook dangit! LoL


In all, I think 2012 will be amazing and I can't wait to live each and every single day to the fullest with the ones that make me the happiest lady alive!!